By the time you get this letter, I might be dead, probably dead. I gave up Tinu. I failed. I shouldn’t have given it all up, I shouldn’t have stopped trying, I shouldn’t have, I just shouldn’t have. The past few years have been the most challenging and trying years of my life. I’ve been trying to change. I’ve been trying to live a fulfilled life. I wanted a good life, not like the one I used to live. I wanted something better, something more meaningful. I wanted to correct my past, make amends and have a wonderful future. I wanted to make the best of my already damaged life. I wanted to be happy, I wanted to smile, I wanted to have nice people who will always be there for me. I also wanted to be there for someone, I wanted to be loved and accepted.
I worked hard, I tried and I tried again. I tried to forget who I used to be. I tried to forget all the things have been through, I tried to forget everything. I tried to forget those years I’ve lived to please the world and not myself, I tried to forget those years I didn’t have a say over my actions. I tried to forget all the pain. I was hoping it will all go away. I was hoping I could move on without looking back but it came right back. It blew me on the face, It haunted me. I tried to run, run very far away from it but it caught up with me and gave me a deadly blow and I fell. I wished I could turn back the hands of time, I wished I could make things right but it’s too late. I’ve lost the battle, I didn’t win.
I went back Tinu, my past came back and I couldn’t resist, I gave in. My past destroyed me, it ruined me. I feel so bad that I couldn’t even defeat my past and face my future. I fought with it and failed. I’m sorry for giving up. I’m sorry I didn’t believe I could. I’m sorry I wasn’t so strong, I’m sorry I let my guards down and let life deal badly with me. Please tell others not to do the same. Tell them to keep pushing, to keep trying. Tell them not to give up on themselves. Tell them they can be happy if they want. Your happiness lies in your hands, your future is your responsibility. No one can break you without your permission, not even your horrible past. You can have a fulfilling and rewarding life, it all depends on you, it all depends on your ability to raise your head high and deal with whatever life brings to your table. Defeat your Past, Live your Present and face your Future!!! Don’t lose the battle!!!
Writer: Anu Joseph