We are relational beings. Relationship is crucial in any social institution be it in education, religion, marriage or politics and we are all a part of each actively or passively. To say relationship is not important is to say that one is a lone ranger or living in isolation, even that is a relationship with oneself. No one can outlive the family or grassroots wherein one was raised to have learnt values, norms and culture that make such a functional member of the society. However, this piece discusses more about singles in relationship: friendship, dating, courtship and undefined relationships.
Let’s See a List of Disappointment People Have Faced
A lot of folks have gotten several shocks of their lives while in a one relationship or the other that made them never to trust anyone anymore. Someone you took as your “brother” ended up in bed with your best friend or sister; your one-in-a-million boyfriend or girlfriend duped you of your “all-I-have-in-heaven-and-earth” investments; the gentle, impossible to be annoyed lover is a wife-beater or husband-beater; your trusted man of God is discovered to have sown discord between you and love of your life; after relaying your Samson’s strength you become Achilles to whom you trusted with those information; she claim she was “untouched” and “fresh” and you are so looking forward to the D-day, only to discover few weeks before marriage that she had denied some destines an entrance into the planet earth; your prince charming or beauty queen promised you heaven and earth, told you “I will always be with you, come rain come shine” only to disappear to thin air at the gathering of a cloud be it genotype incompatibility or parental disagreements or flinches or knowledge of your past lives or any other weakness noticed.
Benefits of Disappointment
Oh! The list is endless, yes! You and I had our shares and the beauty of it all is that if only we look deeper within ourselves, we would discover that we have become better by far owing to the hills and valleys we survived. Better at raising perspectives and reasoning, better at the art of love, better at watching out for ourselves and others, who are victims like we were, better at deciding early and very affirmatively what you want and what you would not accept from your partner, better at sensing danger signs in a relationship no matter how promising and acting fast to nip in the bud.
So, Why Did You Get Disappointed So Soon?
Friend, you got disappointed so soon in the relationships you have engaged in because of these seven reasons or more; you:
• Kept it as a Secret and so the enemy of our soul, the accuser of the brethren kept using it as a weapon against you.
• Involved Sex: Sexual engagements before and outside marriage creates both spiritual and psychological confusion. You love him with your heart, but your mind is far away or desiring something purer and truer. You prayed as if God should stamp him/her as your life partner, you got to know that the engagement will be full of both blessings and woes, the latter weighing much more heavier;
• Started What You Could Not Continue: Many of the things young minds started out with in relationships often create a panting, a longing for more. Such as frequent early morning messages/calls, good night messages/calls, lunch or dinner dates at private restaurants, monthly shopping and subscription and others, teasing each other, sexual expeditions and so on. These things are good (except for sexual expeditions) and are fuel for a relationship, yet when you stop or reduce any; the other partner often feel lonely, unwanted and unattractive, whereas the truth is far from what can be beheld.
• Sought No Counsel as you journey on: A lot of young minds today keep a lot away from adults who can really help because of the feeling of being “omni-knowest” and the need for privacy. This has gotten many into big time trouble. Talk to a trusted adult friend or parent.
• Hope He’s Going to Propose Anytime Soon: Disappointment abounds too because of the hope that your lover could pop-up the question: “Will you marry me?” on one bended kneels; so you are already catching the feel with butterflies in your tummy, but hush! No proposal neither did he kneel to ask for your hand in marriage. Why should he kneel when there is nothing to look forward to?
• Inordinate Expectations: Expectations are normal and good as one factor that keeps hope alive. The moment expectations lack simplicity, allowance for growth of the partner or knowledge of the limitations of the lover, and it is now unrealistic and unachievable, frustrations set in to fill the vacuum of hopes dashed. Many expectations set up in relationships today are made-in-heaven expectations.
• Trusted Too Soon: Yes! We get to meet and know some people and it feels like wow! Where have you been? However, good looking faces do not match good character; the two are far apart. You trusted the partner too soon without allowing the partner to prove their level of trustworthiness. You can ascertain that level and on what issue you can trust you’re a new found acquaintance by watching how they handle little things, involving them in bits in areas of money, resource management, conflict resolution, spiritual matters, studies, futuristic plans and so on. I encourage you not be a talkative that feels like talking about everything at a go, what will you get to say at another time? Have you been disappointed?
You Can Always Jack Back to Life with These:
1. Cry, shed those tears, you are like a sullen towel squeezed of the water in it, it becomes lighter after it is squeezed.
2. Take responsibility for your actions and inactions; you made a mess of earlier opportunities, do not argue it, just accept it.
3. Think deep and twice before making your next lifelong decisions about relationships to get into.
4. Be grateful for today, do not regret over yesterday it is already gone and do not worry for tomorrow it is much more promising.
5. Expect less from people but appreciate it when surprised for good.
6. Do not repeat the mistake that brought a mess.
7. Make time for joy and happiness with friends and family.
8. Take yourself out on a dinner or lunch or shopping, just you alone.
9. Get some exercises; it helps keep your body and heart in shape.
10. Love again!
I awesomely believe you have had this article worthwhile reading and learning about disappointment and way out. Kindly apply them to your life and give us a feedback via comments and sharing.
Writer: Boluwatife Oluwagbemiga