Recently, I wrote an article illustrating red flags we need to pay attention to in our circle and someone asked a very reasonable question: having spotted these red flags, how do we detach ourselves from these friends without hurting them? Whenever you notice a bad signal, it’s important you withdraw. Saying goodbye can be really difficult; regardless, you’ve got to be blunt. To avoid boring you with unnecessary stories, let’s get down to business.
The following are simple ways to disassociate yourself from relationships that are not worth it. Don’t forget the main aim is purging yourself of all forms of distractions these so-called buddies pose, don’t go about gathering adversaries.
NOTE: don’t post all sorts of suspicious quotes and write-ups on your social media platforms, you don’t need it!
• Be less accommodating: this is one easy way to pull out. The moment these friends realise you care less about them, they’d get the message. You don’t have to tell it to their faces that you don’t care anymore, be wise and mature about it. For example, if you used to check on them every day, reduce it to twice in a week. Keep your conversation brief and straight to the point. Here’s another one: if you hang out with them frequently, make excuses, tell them you are busy with something. When this happens repeatedly, they’d understand you’ve moved on.
• Make them feel lost: you’d all agree with me that it’s difficult to know practically everything about a person, no matter how close you are. Show them a new side of you that they aren’t familiar with, let them notice the maturity you have developed all of a sudden. If all you do is go to the mall to see movies, crash parties and shop, switch to attending seminars, conferences and shows that will boost your career and help develop you. They’d call to find out the reason for the sudden change. Just let them know you’re trying to be a better person.
• Go MIA: this particular strategy works like a charm. Deliberately, don’t post pictures on your social media platforms, don’t update your status, etc. Just ghost your activities and observe quietly. The number of people you’d chat with will reduce drastically (people say out of sight is out of mind). This is very helpful as no one will know your next move and you’d have enough time to concentrate on your life.
• Purge yourself: I’m sure you know you have to unlearn all the junk your old friends have introduced to you. The wrong ideologies, bad habits, fake news, etc. need to go. Read motivational and inspiring books (I congratulate you for reading this article). You can’t attract positive people when you still have those stale ideas. Be born again (LOL).
• Make new friends: you can’t be an island, you’ve got to associate with one or two people. It’s your life, treat it like it’s fragile. Don’t entertain the same set of people again, be particular about those you open up to.
• Don’t Hate: your old friends aren’t your enemies, they used to be there for you. Well, yeah, you had to move on. Whenever you bump into them, show them love and set your boundaries.
Fact: you are probably on someone’s list! Don’t feel angry when you’re avoided. It’s just a sign you need to work on yourself.
We can all grow if we really want to. Remember, people don’t change unless they feel the need to, so, don’t try to change anybody. Pray for them (LOL).
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Writer: Damilare Ojo