I dated my childhood friend for 8 solid years. We grew to love each other so much that our mothers used to tease us about how they’d plan our wedding. Lots of guys came around but I shrugged them off because I felt I already had my man. In the course of the relationship, he cheated on me severally but I pardoned him because I thought there was no flawless man. Sometimes I thought it was youthful exuberance and sometimes I thought he was bored and probably tired of me.
You know how guys can be, he always had a way of winning my heart back (some of you will say I was dumb, yeah?). What led to our breakup was his escapade with one of my friends. You know, I was mad at them but what made me crazier was the news of their wedding. He didn’t have the decency to call it off! He didn’t care about the number of years we spent together, he was actually double dating. What could I have done? I couldn’t have forced myself on him.
I accepted fate and for 2 good years, I nursed the wound in my heart. It felt like luck had finally shone on me again, I met this dashing young man at the airport, we were both heading to Dubai for different motives. He was on leave and had to travel to cool off, I was on a trip to shop for some clothes. We got talking on the plane and we exchanged contacts. When we got back to Nigeria, we saw on two occasions and before I knew it, I was head over heels in love with him. We courted for 4 years if I’m right and it felt like the best period of my life. I introduced him to my family and he did likewise. We were in the middle of planning our wedding and the big question hit us: Have you checked your genotype and blood group?
You don’t want to know how scared I was when I heard that. We practically forgot, we were so much in love that we didn’t bother to ask each other. I knew mine (AS), he didn’t know his. He was encouraged to check, he was also AS! I acted stubborn initially but my parents didn’t support the whole thing. His parents tried everything possible to convince mine but in the long run, they got the picture. We were advised to end the relationship as getting married wouldn’t help us. You know what we did? We continued dating without everyone’s knowledge. After few months, we realised we were misleading each other, so, we went our separate ways. I remember how much I shed tears and mourned like a widow (we are still very good friends now though).
For 5 good years, I shut the gates of my heart and scared guys away. I was mean and so infuriated. It later dawned on me that I wasn’t getting any younger, so, I gave love a chance. This time, it was a man way older. He came from Canada in search of a wife. My parents felt I was the right person for him and since I couldn’t find a proper man on my own, I agreed to marry him. The oppression was too much! I must say this: each time I was about getting into a mess, God had a way of getting me out of it. You guys won’t believe this man had a wife abroad, he just needed a woman who’d bear him children because his first wife couldn’t conceive.
When we found out (it’s a long story), I felt I was destined to stay single. I told everyone I was done with men and this time around, I meant it. I moved out of my parent’s house and rented my own apartment, I had a good job and a booming business, so, I didn’t need anyone to pay my bills. I distanced myself from things that would bring back old memories and I started a brand new life. Men came but I was frightening. I remember a friend of mine used to call me “Madam Sirdam”, I was my own boss. I thought of adopting a baby but thoughts of how my mum would feel discouraged me. I just wanted to be a single mother enjoying life to the fullest.
At this point, I was in my late 30s. I went to the mall on this lovely day and I saw my first boyfriend looking so happy with his family. I dodged them just to avoid making him feel he was better off without me. When I got home, I was soaked in my own tears. I asked myself several questions and I realised I was just so scared to love another person. Those who messed up my life were living theirs happily and there I was killing myself. From that day, I decided I’d open up a bit. I went clubbing, attended parties I wasn’t invited to, went from one church to another (the struggle was real). I did all these just to find a man that’d develop interest in me. I went on blind dates, my friends hooked me up but everything was a sham.
I finally gave up and continued with my life. One day, my phone rang and the voice I heard blew me away. It was a guy oh (finally!), he sounded so polite. He mentioned my pet name and I knew for sure it was someone that knew me. He introduced himself and immediately, I remembered him. It was my secondary school mate. He bumped into a friend of mine, asked of me and somehow got my contact. He fixed a date, we met, talked and repeated this countless number of times. He asked me to date him but I kept withdrawing. I wanted to but something kept pushing me back, I was scared of love, I was scared of the new me and I was scared I’d push him away (he was a good man).
He discovered this and gave me time to think about it (I asked for 4 months). During this period, I talked to my pastor, my mum and my brother and they all said the same thing: you won’t conquer your fears if you don’t try, others might have turned out negative but this could be the one. Indeed he was the one. We got married a few months later and we are still married. When I got the mail to share my story, I didn’t want to but he encouraged me to share my story with you all. I feel so blessed and each time I look back, I realise good things come no matter how late they arrive. Of course, there’s an appointed time for everything, so, you’ve got to wait for yours.
Mine took a very long time, I almost ruined it but it came eventually. I gave love another chance and now, I’m on a roller coaster. If you share a similar story, you’ve got to realise you can’t lock yourself out totally. Let God do His work, just follow. Discover yourself, develop yourself, be busy with something valuable, the right man will come. Remember the story of Ruth and Boaz? You’d smile eventually.