You are not beautiful enough, you cannot be successful, you are too fat, I can count your entire wardrobe in less than a minute, your mates are buying cars you are still trekking, this your business, can it thrive? Your dreams sound like empty dreams… these and much more are statements many people hear daily and unfortunately they believe and see themselves in that light.
Before I go into my story like I have been asked to do, please repeat to yourself 3 times “I will never be
a product of negative statements said to me never, never, never“.
You might be wondering why I asked you to say it to yourself, well, it’s only because that’s the first conscious
way to deal with negative statements. Acting contrary to what was being said to you is the second way, then
lastly, keeping quiet (physically) but not keeping silent (spiritually through prayer) is the third way.
Okay, story time!
Location & Period: Female hostel, 100 level, first semester.
Me: I am going to school area to read o, roomie what about you?
Roomie: Oya let’s go.
Person 1: You people always going out to read cannot pass because you are just showing off. Let’s wait till the
end of the semester and see who will fail if not you.
Person 2: It’s true o, other girls in the hostel have been talking about you guys, in fact we are waiting for your result. (Roommate and I look at each other shocked to say the least). On our way we started wondering what warranted such response, why did she say that? Were we really showing off?Then we began to say to ourselves that come what may, we shall pass.
(Fast foreword to convocation)
Me – first class
Roomie – second class upper
Person 1 – 3rd class
Moral lesson: No matter how brilliant you are, never look
down on anyone. Person 1 was known to be a brilliant person in school but for one reason or the other, she lost focus. We remained focused despite the persecutions.
(Chit chat with friends)
Me: What’s your plan for graduation because honestly, I have been thinking that with this agric I am studying, how will I find a job?
Friend 1: Have you thought about anything?
Me: Maybe I will save up and buy a plot of land after school to plant vegetables at least I can sell and make something for myself, its a path to
Friend 2: I promise to remind you in final year that you won’t have a dime to buy that land talk less of farm.
Four years down the line, she actually reminded me and I truly did not have a dime to buy the land, then I
became intentional and prayerful about my life after
school. Here I am today by God’s grace earning more than a vegetable farm will give me in one year.
Me: Aunty don’t worry, forget this heartbreak. When God perfects His work, your wedding will be loud.
Me: In fact on your wedding day, I’m gonna dress to kill abi its bridal train I should join?
Aunty: You ke, where will you get money to join my bridal train? It is not your type I am looking for. You earn ten thousand naira a month and you’re talking about the bridal train.
(That day, I thought about my life, I cried in my heart on my way back to my room saying to myself: I won’t earn ten thousand a month forever).
A few years later…
I got married months before aunty did, I was able by the grace of God to contribute substantially to my wedding and when aunty got married, I was out of the country and could not attend.
This actually happens to many young ladies and honestly, we need to wake up.
Guy: If you don’t marry me, nobody will be able to stand you especially with your hypocrisy and this Jesus thing you carry on your head.
Me: Speechless as I gently walked away.
(Fast foreword to two years down the line, a few weeks after my wedding, guy and I are chatting).
Guy: Honestly, there are no good girls outside again especially our Nigerian ladies. I have decided to marry a foreigner bla bla bla…
Based on these scenarios, I want you to understand certain things:
• People say negative things to you because they want to brain wash you or are intimidated by you in certain ways, please don’t fall for it and don’t hate them, you don’t need it.
• Being told negative things is part of life take it or leave it. You actually have to see those negative words
as a potential ladder to great success.
• People say negative things because they are angry with life and just want to take it out on whoever is available.
• Because you turned out a success where they thought you will fail does not give you the right to rub it in their face. Thank God for where you are, aim higher, pray for them and let your success speak for itself.
• It might be that they observed a certain bad trait in you, don’t be defensive, work on it and be a better
Above all, always remember that negative statements don’t define you and as a matter of fact, ensure you also don’t ruin lives with your negative utterances.
Much love God help us all.